I will try to put this into understandable words. Bear with me OK?

In the work that I've done, I've realized that two interal phrases and aid in dissociation for me..."This is not happening" and "I don't want to be here."

My little man was in the tub, doing his wonderful imaginary play, right? He had his rubber ducky, and a bucket. I'm standing right there doing my hair and makeup and, of course, watching him.

All of the sudden I hear out of his mouth, "This is not happening. I don't wanna get d*ad." He had his rubber ducky in the bucket and was pretending that he was dr*wning and he was speaking for the rubber ducky. Well, he continued his play and everything was fine because the rubber ducky was rescued, and he was the rescuer.

In my own mind, the words came to me as well..."this is NOT happening."

I thought back, "No. This is happening and this is how it can, and probably did, begin. This wonderful imaginary play that a child that age is capable of was the escape. However, it wasn't imaginary danger and a rubber ducky. He's not in physical danger and so the outcome was rescue and all is well...even him being the rescuer. However, to a child that is in danger, sees no escape, and so forth, it continues and progresses and IT becomes the escape as opposed to the outsider or "real" being a form of escape. The solutions, rescues, everything is internal...only the danger is real as opposed to imaginary.

Am I making any sense?

This was something so amazing to witness and connect with for me.

KD