Corvid,
I really do understand the total and complete hopelessness - reading your email, I can totally relate. I am an "it"; an existence - a non-person. The only place I want to be is in my bed and even there the constant thoughts of suicide/death go around and around in my head.

The one thing that keeps me going from week to week is my weekly therapy session on Friday mornings. It must be very discouraging for my tdoc though - me being there every week talking about hopelessness.

I really hope things get better for you Corvid.