{fade in, driving on a beautiful country road} The sun is shining, your thinking about your life. You own a wonderful family resturant, that everyone in town thinks is the best in the world, able to serve any kind of food you want, IF the cook is is the mood. Your really hungry, starving in fact. As your driving you see a fast food place. Is it wrong to want to stop just to grab a bite to tide you over ? Should you get what you need to keep going or just keep driving like on auto pilot until the cook decides to prepare you a meal. You LOVE the cook and she can be a fantastic chef, and she has all the skills needed to fix you a feast fit for a king, but just doesnt want to. Sometime {almost always} the cook say's she doesnt want to cook because your appitite is so large. When she tries / offers to make you a snack, you make a pig out of your self buy overeating and you end up trying to eat like it's you last meal, when in fact it's because you just dont know when you will be able to eat again and just want to eat your fill because you don't know when or if you will be able to eat ever again. Do you decide to "die" of starvation, of fill the immediate need to take in something to help keep you going ?

OK,,,,,,,,,,, so that may be a little cheesy and me trying to justify my thoughts. But it's a real question. I am NOT a player, I am a 45 y/o fat/fluffy man, I am not saying I want to cheat on my wife, I don't want to cheat on my wife. Believe it or not I really do LOVE my wife more than life itself ! I have talked to my wife over and over until I'm blue in the face {and other parts lol} The way I see it, {and I know I'm broken} is this,,,,,,,, She has been giving the information, and has the ability to make me and our life happy, but just doesnt care. I know she has issues, she is also depressed and is on meds for it. She says the meds have made her have no "desire" and as much as I may not like it, I do understand it. BUT,,,,,,,,, my problem with it is not that she has no desire for "it" but I dont understand why she has no desire to make me happy and ease tentions in our house. Its not like I am asking for something "out of the normal" , perverted, kinky, or wierd, no swinging from the rafters on a trapeeze, or anything like that lol. I just want some ATTENTION ! This is also NOT just about sex. I miss the intimacy, cuddleing, kissing, petting, being so close with each other wrapped in arms, being close. I want to be touched, kissed, carressed. I am so LONELY, what should I do. I / we dont want to get a divorce, I guess I am just a coward, I / we have fought so hard the last 8 years to clean up our credit. If we divorce, its just a fact that neithor of us alone can affore the morgage, car, motorcycle, credit card bills etc. We would lose everything, repossesion, bill / debt collectors, back to bad credit scraping by paycheck to paycheck. Homeless,,, etc. I know that sounds cowardly and its not a reason to stay in a broken relationship, but I can not start over again,,,,,,,,

I am going out of my freaking mind ! Please help !