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May just be that I am feeling ill with the flu that's enough to set me off
The fear of never changing and constantly being stuck within this frame of mind and way of being this has been going on escalating to this point in a 6 year period each time and year things get worse with any active attempt to try and change this ended in failing to produce the required active change that was meant to happen and sort after
The in ability to be positive, I can't be friendly and I can't bee social able in my reality I just don't get talking to others. I guess I have always be a person aware of others and not trusting so for me it's natural to want to run or shrug people off because I find being scalable to strangers weird and a strange things to do, although I live in a society that expects you to be able to talk to strangers as if they were a person you know.... I always struggle with this especially jobs in customer interaction and sale products arrrr
The inability to like life, honestly I never had anything in my past that I enjoy or found something that gave me enjoyment within my life. All this time it has been the thought of better things to come or a time in the future where maybe I can find that enjoyment or where maybe I perceived when I would have a reason to enjoy life but well that hoping was a waste. I guess this is why I am getting bitter even more and lost even more all my childhood I told myself I would be different when older things will be different that never happen the only thing that change was my age and the situation I am in now I am desperately trying to tell myself maybe still maybe just hold on it may be different when other stuff happens. However the chance of other things happen are next to nothing.
I feel trapped, lost, scared feel constant guilt and fear each and every day.
I think I may have lost myself years ago
I feel like a child although technically I am an adult, embarrassment, disgusting and just plain delusional
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