I can also relate to being in denial. I spent years under the delusion that it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. Talking to someone about it is the first step, and it is terrifying. I'm glad that you felt that you could trust your friend and that she is supportive. Keep talking to her. And as the other posters have suggested, please seek a therapist. Maybe your friend can help you with that. I wish you the best of luck, and keep us updated. Take care of yourself!