Don't make rushed judgments about ethics or emotional scarring. You never know. My first vaginal sex was with a friend of mine, in a completely matter-of-factly fashion, without his realizing that I, oops, "lost my virginity" with him. He thought I had lost it with his close friend who was my first boyfriend but no, I had only had oral sex with that guy. So, it was completely uneventful, completely boring, non-dramatic, quick, non-earth-shattering sort of thing... and he was drunk to boot. Blah! But not unethical, not emotionally scarring, and not a horrible experience. Just plain boring. I did go on to have more meaningful sex life later on, thanks god. As to looking that person in the eyes for the rest of my life, I would absolutely love to look him up as we were good friends and I regret having disappeared from his life (as I did from the lives of many other friends), but... his name is Kevin Smith and with such a common name no Facebook or other technological miracle can help me locate him.