Quote:
Originally Posted by riotgrrrl
I think the posts to say relax, don't read about it, and to just go at your own speed are the best. I will say tho, don't expect angels singing, or an earth shattering orgasm the first time. Sex, as with everything, gets better with practice! When done at your own speed, with love and with the right partner, it can be a wonderful part of a relationship and you may just feel closer to your hunny than you ever thought was possible.
The things that we spend time worrying over rarely end up to be as bad as we thought - try not to build things out of proportion in your mind. There simply is no point worrying about things that may never happen, and to only worry about stuff when it has actually happened.
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I have not read a single thing other than this forum and don't plan on it.
I understand that it's awesome. I understand it gets better. I even want it. But the fear, is irrational as far as I can see it. There are so many things I could attribute it to, but either none of them fit quite right or all of them fit too well. I'm not sure if the worry is caused by a performance anxiety, or a fear of pain, or a fear of losing my innocense because of the way I was brought up, or a fear losing control, or a fear of being disappointed, or a fear of the unknown, or even a fear of being afraid. I really don't know. It could be all of them. It could be none of them. This fear lies dormant, until something triggers it. Like the recent realization of how close the marriage is. Until then I never had much reason to think about it, especially since I avoided things that reminded me of it's impending existence in my life like the PLAGUE. But I was aware of the fear of course. I just always assumed that the future me who would be having sex would be a completely different, stronger, more MENTALLY SOUND me, who didn't have the phobia anymore. But now it's so close, and I'm realizing that the me who has sex is going to be the same me who I am now, or very close to it. And now, as I tend to be triggered to fixate on things, I am thinking about the fear so much, many times each day. And I can't stop.