Quote:
Originally Posted by riotgrrrl
Two points here: The first is you cannot and shouldn't make judgements on other's experiences. You were not there, you do not know what happened, or how they feel.
The second is that I think you have a slightly skewered view on sex. Being married doesn't mean that there is more pressure, why should it? Everyone has a first time, being married makes no difference. You are building this up out of all proportion. There's been sound advice here and I really think you should let go of all of your previous views on sex, and relax. Sex, or making love can be a wonderful act. Sure, the first time, or even first few times can be strange, but then it would be wouldnt it? We ALL learn as we go along, like everything in life. I know one thing for sure, if you dont relax, it may be physically uncomfortable for penetration. Just listen to your partner, talk to your partner, go with your feelings and relax, relax relax!!!
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Okay, let me rephrase that without being judgmental. Being married FOR ME would have more pressure. Just the assumption that we have boundaries and that sex WONT happen, is somehow like a security blanket for me. (I made another post on this forum about the boundaries thing if you want further explanation) But then I get married. And then the sex boundaries aren't there anymore. In fact, sex is expected. Which is scary. And the trouble is, I don't know why it's scary, or why my stomach clenches up every time I think about it. I don't know how to relax because I don't know why I'm not relaxed, or even happy. Everyone tells me "relax!" but I still don't really know
how. And when I imagine getting married, I imagine it as wonderful. It is all I want, and not even for the wedding (like so many women do!), just to be his wife. Finally. To cook together and sleep in the same bed and live life together as partners. But then I remember the sex part. And I used to choose entirely not to think about it and pretend it doesn't exist. But now I've realized that it's too close to pretend it doesn't exist anymore. And now, when I imagine even the day after the wedding, and him even kissing me, normally, like we've done many times, I see myself internally preparing to push him away, thinking oh my GOD, its going to happen. I see myself getting aroused and realizing oh my god, that means sex. And panicking. Because it's not that I don't want to do it, it's not that I'm not attracted to him, it's not that I'm worried about a particular thing involved, but something in me is crying NO.