Thank you to everyone for listening and trying to understand. The only times I've ever felt even a little better were on medications that are considered safe but not prescribed for depression. I mean, they hand out provigil, amphetamines, etc., to 7 year olds like they're M&Ms, but something that makes me feel like life is worth living? No, can't have it. As far as therapy goes, I only ever feel better with group therapy, because I understand what people mean, and I don't have to explain anything - there really is kinship in that, and my pdoc straight up told me he didn't think that would help. I don't understand it.