I guess it's just an issue of accepting it, and learning to live with it. It's so painful, though, and there's more guilt in the fact that I have so much that other people want - a great home, husband, financial security, family, I've never been hungry, libraries, my own dang library - and I can't appreciate it. I *want* to appreciate this life, I've been so, so so lucky. I often find myself talking to the universe, apologizing, thanking it for my physical comforts at least. I know people are dying right now - *dying* or in pain from the cold and the hunger, and here I am crying over quite literally, nothing. I just start crying. I use the word Universe instead of God, I think... more of a "all the energy that exists" idea than a separate being though... I feel like I should have more power over this, but I'm helpless. Or that's how it feels. I feel bad for even complaining about it *right now*. *sigh* Thanks everybody.