Quote:
Originally Posted by TroubledAngel12
Honey, if this young lady cannot stay with you depite the fact of what you are going through emotionally, then maybe she is not the one for you. Relationships take communication, compromise, and commitment. At the time of her wanting to marry you, you were not able to go through with it because of your financial concerns and that is no reason for her to leave you. If she loved you then she would be patient and wait with you and stand by you no matter what.
I understand how you feel completely. Me and my fiancee went through the same thing. I can honestly relate to you as I struggle with severe depression myself and I often unintentionally take it out on my girl. We even went through a situation where I thought she was cheating but it had only turned out that the guy she thought was flirting with her was only giving her a business card and he was a Press member at a convention she visited. In short, I accused her of cheating for nothing without knowing the facts.
It's very hard and if your love does not stand by you then coping through hard times will be a challenge. I understand that you truly and deeply love her but if she leaves you rather than being patient enough to support you through your tough times, she is not the one. Especially with the fact that she was speaking to another gentleman. But you will find the right girl who will be by your side and support you no matter what. That is what love really is.
|
I cannot say that she didn't stick by me. She was trying to help me for over a year to try and get my life moving. She really did support me, even sending out my resume by herself, but I was in such a funk that I could not get moving. I just wish she would have stuck with me longer, because even though my career was in a funk (and she clearly had concerns about our future) I just felt like love should be able to overcome all that. Maybe I'm naive. I know that she still loves me, but I don't know if she still wants me and that thought is eating me alive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TroubledAngel12
As for your career, things will turn around and you will get better. I assure you. I hope for the best for you. For your depression, maybe you can look into speaking with a counselor. I am currently right now seeing a counselor and she really helps me.
|
I so badly want to turn my life around and I am trying to focus on bettering myself, but I just cannot stop sulking. I have been seeing a therapist for nearly 2 years. It has helped some, but obviously I have a ways to go...
Quote:
Originally Posted by drlmbrjack
Tell her you guys are on a clear break, that you need to work on yourself first. Open up about your feelings as a way to be tactful. People respond the most to honesty. If she cares about you and feels that she is included in your issues and realizes the steps you are taking toward a better you, she should naturally feel like supporting you, even if as a friend, wanting you to be happy. Deciding whether to stay in the relationship through this process is her decision, and you should make her feel safe and secure in whatever she decides, be prepared for her to decide to move on if that is her decision. Provide a timeline of landmarks for her when you think you can reasonably accomplish certain levels, such as getting medication correct, finding job, etc. and when you would want to do that next step. Be realistic.
|
I have been so open with her since this happened and I've poured my heart out. I've put myself out there many times hoping she would tell me she feels the same. When we first discussed everything, she said she needed time to figure out how she feels about giving us another shot again, but it's been over 2 months and I just don't know when it's been enough time. This is the first time in 8 years that she isn't showing the love she used to show. Even when we were broken up for the last year, she was still so open about her feelings to me. Since the day she found out I had sex with another woman, she hasn't been the same. But I don't understand it... that happened one time because I was alone and depressed and she basically carried on a relationship for 10 months. I can put that behind me but she can't?
I am actually on medication right now, but I am not happy with that. I feel like this space we are taking is basically my last chance.. if she doesn't come out of it feeling like she wants to give our relationship another try then it's over. The thought alone brings tears to my eyes. I just don't know what to do. This has really shattered me.
Thank you both for responding!