I do not think you are that ill to abstain from sex. If you do not have a uterine prolapse, you can have vaginal sex without a problem. No desire - buy a cheap lube at a drugstore. Lots of people are depressed but fulfill their partners' sexual needs nonetheless. To let a man go without you for a year - but he is a hero! It is wonderful that he did not hire an escort - go tell him that by having sex with him. Appreciate his faithfulness! If you feel fat, do not take your clothes off but give him oral sex while clothed - can you at least do that?

I will tell you a story. I have a friend who is married to a woman he loves. He used to have a great sex life with her. Then came a little baby. My friend became a stay home father. His wife works full time outside the home. My friend works from home part-time. He is a spotless husband in terms of picking up the house and childcare. But she was still tired from work and she denied him sex. For... two years. Young people, not having sex for so long. I was always clueless - why? Why could not she give him a blow job - it does not take THAT long and it is not THAT tiring, after all? I just could not get it why she would not do something nice that "did not cost her almost anything" so to speak. I had a similar question to him - why would not they engage in a quickie? He kept saying that she had very high requirements for sex, she was very particular, everything had to be just so. And that it was OK with him, he respected that. I kept hearing these stories and started believing that maybe I am this simple creature who does not mind quickies whereas she is a superior human being and I simply cannot comprehend her values in sex. And I was happy to live feeling inferior.

And then, the other day, he tells me... He no longer enjoys sex with the wife. He still loves her dearly and does not believe that he can pull off being unfaithful to her because of the strength of his loving feeling, but he is BORED having sex with her. I asked, in disbelief "Are you bored even when she comes, when you make her come?!?!" He responded with "Oh, that disgusts me".

He masturbates several times a day. 50% of the time he thinks about a former gf, a Polish woman who was perfect for him sexually but not as a r/s partner. As a r/s partner, he prefers his wife. He loves the wife. He is glad the Polish woman went back to Poland. But he talks with her and knows that she wants him very much as well. The other 50% of his masturbation fantasy is about everything else in the world, and NOTHING at all about the wife.

I asked whether this happened because in the past she denied him sex for so long. He says it was not connected, but I cannot believe it. I think she frustrated him way too much, way too much, and I encourage you not to follow suit.

Plus, if you have put on weight, you should not hide - you should exercise as this helps both weight loss AND depression, and does not give side effects if you are careful enough not to injure yourself in the process. I have been in your shoes and I have tried walking, swimming, and biking, and can tell you that biking is by far the most effective tool. If you hide and do not leave your bed, you would only put on more weight which would frustrate and sadden you more and send you down a downward spiral - do you need that?

Good luck with sex and getting your figure back. Do not know how to answer your question - I think it is too theoretical and cerebral and all I wanted was to give you practical information.