My Support Forums - View Single Post - Worried about my grandson's well-being

peacequest · 09:40 AM

I'm a concerned grandmother of a beautiful eight-year-old boy who had been living with his biological mother but three months ago the mom gave physical custody of my grandson to my son and his wife. I have been noticing that my son's wife, the stepmom to my grandson, is cold and harsh to my grandson. For example, she has taken away his DS-game, his X-box, and a favorite chair that was in his room as a means of punishing him for not wanting to go grocery shopping with her, refusing to tie his shoes because he hasn't been shown how to, and "not respecting" her. My son and daughter-in-law have told my grandson that they would sell the X-box and DS game to someone if his behavior didn’t improve. He doesn't have much in the way of toys. I gave him a bicycle in the summer, but the parents don't teach him how to ride it. Last time I was at my son's and daughter-in-law's home, I noticed in my grandson's room are two huge posters on the wall, one lists all the chores he has must do, which I think is good. The other poster consists of several sentences that state what he is not allowed to do and if he does it what the consequences will be, but it is written in such a harsh manner that it looks like something you would expect to be posted on the wall of a reform school. My grandson is not his happy self that he used to be. He acts lethargic and cries a great deal of the time. The other problem is that the stepmom puts the boy's mother down in front of him as well as putting the boy's father (my son) down in front of him. He is sick a lot, doesn't eat, and is extremely thin. The stepmom says they have battles over food and that he's making her life really difficult. Currently, the boy has a fever, swollen glands, and flu-like symptoms. She and the boy's father (my son) are reluctant to take him to the doctor because they don't want him to be on antibiotics needlessly. I might add that my daughter-in-law is a very intelligent woman. She is a nursing student and very well versed in health issues. She is also about to give birth to her own child (any day now) and this is where most of her focus is, which is understandable. But when I see how harshly she speaks to my grandson and how cold she is to him, I am disturbed. My son, the boy's father, isn't much help. He is an engineer, has a good job, but also drinks too much (in my opinion) and plays poker weekly. His whole life appears to be work, playing poker and having his beers. So he delegates the main job of disciplining my grandson to his wife, the stepmom. Am I overreacting here or do I have some valid concerns? I don't want to interfere with the way they raise my grandson, but I would appreciate any feedback that would help me continue being a positive presence in my grandson's life while at the same time not alienating his parents. So far, I've kept out of it, but I see my poor grandson turn from a happy child to one who is anxious, depressed, sick most of the time, and showing signs of behavioral problems. Any advice would be so much appreciated.