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Nov 29, 2012, 11:00 AM
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Member Since: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 5,518
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(((Peacequest)))
I'm equally concerned about your grandson, and a little more than ticked off at his stepmom. If she thinks she's doing herself any favors, she better think twice because it will backfire. He's a boy, not a dog, and he needs to be nurtured into adulthood. If her goal is to make him "obey her commands," she will have to establish trust. In order to establish trust, he needs to know/feel that she truly cares about him - better yet, he needs to know that she loves him. Does she love him? From where I'm sitting, it sounds to me she considers him a nuisance/burden in her life.
Children and dogs are different, but both can tell when they are unwanted. If she resents the child, if she does not like him, that's HER problem. But it's a problem she's going to need to address now because it will only get worse when he becomes a teenager.
She can start by biting her tongue whenever she gets to urge to badmouth the boy's mother OR father. If she has an issue with either one, it's none of the boy's business or responsibility because his relationship with both is different. He has a right to maintain or develop his own feelings towards his mother and father.
Your example of her punishment (taking away toys because he refused to go shopping with her) sounds like a complete waste of "punishment" in my eyes. If my son had refused me at that age, I would have simply told him "You don't have a say in the matter, so it's not up for discussion. I need to go shopping and you can't be left alone, so get in the car...NOW." Then again, that never happened because my son trusted my judgment and knew his welfare was my number one concern.
My heart goes out to you and your grandson. 
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