I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. After ten years of marriage, I have decided to leave my husband. He is not abusive, but the things he's done have hurt me over and over. I figured out years ago that he was most likey sexually abused at some point in his childhood. Initially, when we were "courting" he was a great communicator (he had to be, we had a long distance relationship). Very early on in our marriage, he shut down and the relationship became very one sided. Our talks consisted of my monologues. He would literally stare at me while I talked and then walk away saying NOTHING, not one word. There was never any empathy for what I was going through, never any attempt at seeing how he was making me feel. I've never felt as though he was my friend. I stayed through a months long "cyber-affair" I discovered he was having after the birth of our second son. Stayed after I discovered him setting up a secret email to correspond with other women while I was pregnant with our daughter. This week I discovered a profile he posted on a website looking for sexual partners (other men and couples) that he created while we were separated a few months ago (separated but living in the same house with our three kids). He has never worked at this relationship, it has always been me hoping that if I loved him enough that the "movie moment" (when your partner has an epiphany and realizes how much they've hurt you and does everything in their power to try and fix things) would happen. Instead his spent ten years blaming my anger, justifying and most of all lying. I have asked him time and time again to get help for his issues, but I think it's just too painful for him. He has gained a little insight to his behavior, he thinks his problem is that he seeks "mood altering" experiences (it was drugs and alcohol in his younger years). Once again, he isn't seeing the forest for the trees and thinks good intentions are enough. While I'm glad he's moving in the right direction, I don't know if I can be there for him. As difficult as it is, the time has come to leave. The hurt he's caused has changed me, and I need to heal. He has cut himself off from everyone over the years. He has no friends and barely talks to his family. Do I still offer him my friendship? I still love him and he is the father of my children. I'm a "fixer" and although I know I can't help him, I can't help but feel that turning my back on him altogether is not the right thing to do.