I went to see my pdoc today and told him how my moods are COMPLETELY out of control (btw. I'm bipolar). I've been drinking myself to death every night and spent 1000$ on credit cards in the past week.

I'm currently just taking 30mg abilify and 200mg lamictal (down from 450mg). I was taking Emsam (an MAOI patch) but it made me more manic than ever and I would be up for weeks with no sleep.

Anyways, last week he started me on Trileptal again (which I was on when I was 19 and I ended up in the lock-down psych ward while on it) but decided to take me off of it because its obviously not working yet again.

SO...now he's given me two options, depakote or toopmax.
I'm terrified of both after reading the literature he gave me about the sideeffects of both.
Depakote: SEVERE weight gain (and with an ED (currently bulemia, but used to be anorexia and bulemia) it would kill me, literally, because I went from 115 at 5'9 to 180now and I disgust myself) AND hair loss!
Tomopax: cognitive impairment and slow thinking. Just what I need my final year of college. Like my GPA needs to be any lower than it already is. But ive heard it causes weight loss so im leaning towards it for that reason alone.

Does anyone have any experience/advice?

I have to do something, im cutting often and deep, drinking to much and ODing regularly and constantly thinking of ways to off myself for good this time, not that im planning to right now.

Please help me. I need it more than ever.