hello, I know nobody will see this, nobody will comment, and nobody will help. But I don't know, I just have to try because I am so desperate. I don't feel like I have a problem but apparently this site says "self injury" is bad. I just think its a decoration! A pretty red slash all over yourself. I don't know why I am so obsessed with blood. It's so beautiful to me. I have gone a little while without decorating but I always go back to it. I mostly relapse during my psychotic episodes. I turn into my darker personality and she tells me all these things about why I should make a new scar on myself. She says you have to let the bugs escape, let the demons out, make sure you're not a robot by seeing your blood, it's so pretty, you're so ugly, you deserve it, you let everyone down, they would love to see you dead

I missed the vital artery in my neck 4 times by just a hair

The only reason I don't do it much is that my mother may see. As soon as I grow up and move out it will come back, fully fledged and ready to take over once again. Eventually I will accidentally slip in the wrong spot and do what I have wished I could do for years

Bleed to death