Forgiveness - Forgiveness is the art of letting go. Without it, the wounds incurred by a wrong never fully heal. Actions past continue to guide our current actions, unless we let them go.

Looking back, I realized that I can and have forgiven those who hurt me in relationships, or betrail of a friend, or disagreements on the job, or folks that have stepped on my toes. Have always let go..

Seems the only folks that I have not forgiven are the professionals that I reached out for help. Like the Christian atty, that said to me "you've been around the block, haven't you", because it was my second divorce. Then he added insult to insult by saying that I was a good actress and that I was not a dumb blonde. These words are not fabricated. They are the exact words my Christian atty said to me. The very same Christian man that sat in church with his hands raised, praising God..

And of course the Christian Counselor. What can I say.. What a fool I was.. Too bad that I was in serious emotional shape at that time, because if I had any sense left in me, I would have stopped seeing that counselor after 4 months. Five years paying this man and I was told to run aound a car when I had a panic attack. I was suffering and he didn't even give a diagnosis that what was happening to me was panic attacks. 2 years down the road and other T said, sounds like PTSD and panic attacks. Even then I didn't stop seeing the Counselor..Everytime I tried to quit he'd put me on a guilt trip.. OO you aren't ready to stop .. or whatever...

I brought up the incident with the Atty to the Counselor and he told me to get what I wanted and then give him a piece of my mind. Well, duh, the Atty already was in control and he surely wasn't going to work for my best interest, which he didn't. Turned out several years later the counselor told me the Christian atty did the same thing to another client of his. Screwed over her. I said, duh, too late to be telling me that now.....

Just running around a car during a panic attack isn't the only reason I harbor bad feelings toward the counselor.. It was because for the very first time in my life, I reached out for help. I was sinking and I didn't understand what was happening to me. I was losing my mind.. I had too much to lose and I needed to be well again.........

Guess the key is, reaching out for help and paying for it and not really getting any help. Just dug up more crap to put on my plate to make me even worse...

I resent the Christian Atty.. I will never ever step inside a church again because of him... Seeing how he treated me and learning later how he treated other "women" clients, and then seeing him sit in church with hands uplifted praising God.....Turns my stomach and I want to barf.

I resent the Christian Counselor. My safety was the church. And the Counselor did nothing to help me. I worked hard. I wanted and needed to be well..He offered nothing whatsoever that was helpful or an insight as to what was happening to me. I wasted 5 years in therapy...I didn't want to give up on therapy because I needed to get well. I was too sick to realize this guy is an idiot.....Like he was just patting me on the @ss and collecting his weekly fee. WHat an easy job...

The more "well" I get, the more I feel the resentment. I've learned so much online...I sometimes feel angry I didn't have a computer when in therapy or when I was divorcing...I want to say, why do I still hang around here, but then I realize, this is where I've gottent the most help...