WOW Hamster ! Thank you, you wrote so much, and talk a lot of sense. I will endevour to answer your points as best I can.

I am so glad he cancelled the escort, we talked about it again tonight. I asked if he had gone thru with it, would he have told me. He said he would, but as it was not what he wanted in the end, there's nothing more to say. I want to forget about it. Yes, I suppose him not finding someone else in a year is great, and I should be grateful. I'm frightened if he meets someone he wouldn't then be faithful if sex was offered. He is a very horny guy !
We had an amazing sex life and even now have phone sex and he gets me hot !
One thing you misunderstood, I do have a sex drive, and am orgasmic, in fact at times I'm so horny and masturbate frequently. The reason I stated reunion sex wouldn't be on offer is because I don't want him to see me for sex. I don't want to be his ***** buddy , I wanted commitment , he could never give. We have a strange relationship I have to admit, I know of no other like it.
I always felt insecure, we aren't like a normal couple. He doesn't call me his gf even. Why ?

I know when I see him we won't be able to keep our hands off each other, so me saying 'no sex' is a bit unrealistic I guess. I don't want to feel used that's all
As for the BJ , that's no problem, I love all aspects of sex, love to please him. I actually love sex believe it or not. It's just this dep. has robbed me of the motivation to even get dressed, let alone see my man.
And yes orgasms create a warm feeling of well being and satisfaction and I have no trouble having them (as currently not on meds, but should be I know) often having 2 or 3 orgasms. BTW swallow ? No thanks !

This is so long will continue, as new post .