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jojocrazie · Nov 29, 2012, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ladyzero

Do we as humans have a basic need for sex ?
I know we crave love and affection and if we are starved of both either as children or adults, it can effect us greatly.
But as adults do we NEED sex ?
Do men NEED sex more than women ? And indeed it is said that to be healthy a man should ejaculate frequently.
I ask this, as a bf I had (not quite an x) been seeing before I became ill with depression, ( and hence have not left my house, or more truthfully my bed ) told me something today that quite upset me.
He admitted that at the weekend he booked the services of an escort, but as the appointment time approached he cancelled it. He told me he couldn't go ahead inspite of being very sexually frustrated. It wasn't what he wanted.

I was devastated by his confession and wondered how he could consider having sex with an escort. He stated that 'he is a man, and I have needs, and that a w*nk in the shower is not enough'
He has not had sex, or seen anyone else in the time I've withdrawn, and not seen him. That has been a year now, and every week he does ask to see me, and I can never motivate myself to see him. My self esteem is very low and I feel I've put on weight, so I hide away.

We had a good sexual relationship as we both have high sex drives. I know he masturbates every day, sometimes twice.
I always hoped he'd be patient and wait for me to feel better, well enough to see him, and he's never stopped asking to see me.
He tells me often he's sexually frustrated and that he needs me sexually, and I always told him when I do see him, reunion sex is not on the menu !

His confession made me wonder, if it would have been so wrong had he had his hour of release.
What if When we do see each other if we have hungry, reunion sex ?
What about FWB ? Are they just fulfilling a need ? Or is it wrong ?
I too miss sex, but also the closeness of being with someone I care about ( love?)
I know masturbation 'scratchs the itch' as it were, but you can't beat good sex / lovemaking in its many forms.
I am so glad he changed his mind about the escort , even though he never said, it was because of me, and my feelings. He said It just was not what he wanted afterall.

Please tell me what you think.

Sorry for the long post.

OK. First, he obviously has some kind of "feelings" for you other then sexual ones. Or he would have no problem with going to find other sexual relations. He seems like a good guy. I understand the way you feel in a way. But I have an unhealthy need for sex. So in my opinion of course I'd say its a human "need". But i abuse this need...I do it for the feeling of being wanted and desired. I used it as control and a source of power. I hope your depression gets better. I hate feeling depressed. But I also will say. Its not going to magically go away and not seeing him isn't going to help. And not to sound mean, but I dont think you have any right being hurt over him thinking of seeing an escort. And no. I dont believe guys need sex more then women. Guys are just more out there about it then women are. At least thats my opinion. Nothing is wrong with reunion sex as long as there is no others outside of you two that could get hurt. Reunion sex could help a lot of questions. And it cant really make anything worse. It can help you figure things out. Having a FWB myself....I have to say im pro-FWB. I know sex is different when youre in love and it is true amazing. And I used to think I couldn't enjoy sex without some kind of emotional engagement. But first time I was with my FWB after my break up with my ex who abused me for 2 years I actually loved that there was no emotions or confusion...it was just good sex. And there were little insecurities...of course there were some just because of who I am. But not as much as when I really care for someone. Of course everyone in a while I have that moment that I want my fwb to "love" me...but it dies down and i realize it would jusot ruin things.