Exposing this whole issue to the light of discussion, here and face to face with family and friends, has been of great therapeutic value. I am no longer so stuck in that mental groove.

I have found a pattern in my life with regard to these kinds of troubles.

First the issue is more or less unconscious. It is there, but unfocused. If I were to try to consider it directly I think I would be in denial to a large degree.

Later the issue becomes more clear as the realization occurs that it is a significant part of my mental climate and that it affects other aspects of my life. As this occurs I find I can begin to discuss the issue. Usually I can do this best, first, in words. I used to do this in a personal journal. Now I use a "live" medium, in particular, this forum.

With feedback from you, and further reflection I can begin to verbally discuss the issue with family and friends. One friend in particular, who is a therapist, is usually a great active listener.

Finally, and often with amazement, the issue that was previously consuming to some degree, begins to simply be an interesting side issue. I get on with other things. My mind can relax more in free moments to just be in the present.

This pattern has been repeated for many of my life's "big" issues. I would hope that it would be easier to push the process when it was needed to engage. I don't know if this is possible. It is a relief to know that there is a process that has normally worked for me in the past. I wish I could keep this self assurance in mind the next time I have a struggle with mental illness, ie: the deep, black, sometimes psychotic depression that imposes with some regularity.