Hi Folks... I'm new to this forum and I came looking for it because I had a really bad day with my OCD and I feel hopeless, exhausted and embarassed that my husband and one of my friends had to listen to my rantings. My OCD is mostly about an irrational fear that harm will come to someone I know and care about. I've been on and off Serzone and I really don't like being on drugs so I'm trying to conquer this with my own personal power and the knowledge that it's a chemical imbalance, not reality. So anyway, today's "episode" has been coming on since Friday night when I called a friend of mine who lives in New York City. He is a drug user and former heroin addict. I think he is having problems with Oxycontin right now and he told me he took heroin the other day which freaked me out because I don't want him to slip into addiction again-- he gets really skinny and I don't hear from him for 6 months or more. He's a sweet guy and I worry about him ODing or getting killed buying drugs-- whatever can happen in crazy NYC... and I'm sorry if I'm not being really coherent with this post, but I'm a basket case because I've been calling him since Friday night and now it's Sunday night and I haven't heard back from him. He has about 100 friends and people in his life, so I know he's busy and I'm not as high a priority to him as he is to me because of my OCD... I worry about him constantly and we've gotten in the habit lately of talking at least once a week. I'm exhausted from what I put myself through today. I couldn't function and I wasted the whole day pacing and calling him and leaving stupid messages that say, "I'm really worried. Please call me. I have to hear from you." I've told him about my OCD so I keep thinking he would have called if he was okay because he knows I worry. I've been going around in circles with my thoughts all day... if anyone else does this and has a trick for how to stop the train of bad thoughts, please let me know. It's 9:20 in AZ, so I'm guessing unless there are any west coast people out there, I won't get an answer til tomorrow. I hope I can sleep tonight. I already had a dream that my friend died, which is part of the reason I'm so freaked out. I think I'm going to take some Tylenol PM and go to bed soon. I've been doing fine-- really good-- for months and this hit me like a Mack truck today and rendered me helpless. Then everything else started bothering me like what my husband must think of me when I do this (he's very supportive and understanding and tells me he loves me and my OCD very much... I'm lucky but I don't feel very lucky right now.)

Okay, sorry this was a long one. Thank you in advance for any advice and support. May we all have a better day tomorrow!

Hugs,
Kelly