Sounds to me like right now your son is pretty lost in him self. He's using games as a diversion to the real problem. I agree in part that I wouldn't give so much to him financially. If you want to help dig him out of a hole, then send payments directly to where-ever, and no cash in hand to him (I do this with my 20 yo daughter-we have a verbal agreement with finances while she's in college, and she does stick to it).

A lot of his actions and mannerisms suggest to me he's suffering from depression-the mess & clutter, and not bringing the dishes out are symptoms of such. I don't know why, but it's hard to part or change anything at that point (even though in our rational minds we know this). I don't believe he wants to stay the way he is, I don't think anyone would. I believe he just can't find a way out. Has no direction, and it seems it is all too overwhelming for him, and he probably himself does not understand this.

I think first course of action, is getting the SSDI started. I think if you had to do most of the leg work here, that would be appropriate, however, if you can sit him down and help him go through it that would be better. PTSD suffers often suffer major depressive states, if he is in one (and I am speking from experience) it's really hard to function in a manner that seems positive-it just seriously takes a WHOPPING amount of effort to do so. Sometimes he might need a little push-loving one. Being firm is ok, but I am thinking he might take it the wrong way...especially if said we are not going to do this....that....blah...blah..blah anymore... He's still at that 20ish age where kids just see things in a different light anywho, right? This is their transitional time into life that can be floundering as is, add in this other stuff...it's really tough!

You are walking a line that many of us are walking right now...it's hard. My daughter suffers from depression with anxiety, and as long as she is on medication, and doesn't have to take anything else (cause she sometimes needs to take meds for other conditions) that fudges with her chemical balance she is ok, and right on the mark she wants to be at. Otherwise we are on a bit of a rollercoaster ourselves. But, we always go back to the basics of prioriites, and I never point fingers, or lay blame (not that you are). She's done a few things (one of which was almost flunking out of school her second sememster-which still bothers her on occassion, but something I don't think of unless she brings it up). Just saying, I am sure he knows where his failings are-and they just seem to be a mountain, when in reality they aren't. It's just time to get back on track for everyone, it's not a quick process, but any forward movement is best.

Could one of the beginning agreements be-if you are gonna bring dishes into your room could you make the disposable? And the other part that I do with my daughter, is ask her what she wants? and what steps do you feel you need to make to get there (really small ones to begin with)-I also make suggestions (of a couple alternatives, all of which are satisfactory and forward moving for her).

Sorry so longwinded, hope some of this helps...and sorry if it's a bit rambly, I am fighting a migraine again today. (((hugs))))) Lisa