struggling, I'm the same way too. When I feel close to my T, and super connected, it makes me feel frustrated with the rest of my life. It makes me wish I could see T every day! If for whatever reason I feel distant from her, it's easier to go about my everyday life. It's such a push/pull. I want RL to be like therapy, but therapy, when I feel connected, is so much better that it's like being teased! Like a number of you said, then I want to reach out to T more because I feel so good. The best path is a middle ground, which is difficult.