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People respect academic and intellectual achievements, and since I really don't have any other redeeming qualities, it is paramount that I am successful and intelligent.
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Sorry to be the one to ask the abstract questions here (I studied philosophy before deciding to do something employable
), but what is "success"? You mention waning a loving relationship and success... how will you know when you are successful? One day you wake up and just realize, "Yes, I AM successful"?
And maybe reconsidering the "I really don't have any other redeeming qualities" part. I mean, you're not a jerk, right?
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I have encountered difficulties with relationships because it doesn't make sense to me that someone can actually like me for who I am - what is there to like?
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I guess I should have something enlightening to say about self-esteem and whatnot but I don't because I also have none. I have a hard time taking compliments because I feel like the person is either lying and trying to trick me into doing something or I somehow misled them into thinking something good about me. But the one piece of advice I have about this came from someone much wiser than myself, who said, "I have the right to form my own opinions about you." It reminds me of the saying, "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." So even though I don't agree that there is anything--ANYTHING--likeable about me, it is the other person's opinion, and they have a right to their opinions, right...?