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Nov 30, 2012, 12:33 PM
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Member Since: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 5,518
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
"I'm aware people in my town worry about crime. It's a valid worry, considering where I live. However, I become angry at those who automatically assume a person of color is also a criminal - especially when their fear, distrust and hatred are obvious" Quote Kathy
It is sad, but perhaps your son should also be angry at those of color that "do" commit crimes, because unfortunately they "are" out there. And the other thing he should consider it that this woman may have some kind of history of abuse as well. Or, as you say this is an area where there is a lot of crime, so perhaps this woman has already been attacked or robbed and this is her behavior now. I wonder if black women also look around nervous as well and your son might not notice them and only thinks about racism or profiling.
White people commit crimes too. In fact, my son has been used, abused, and attacked by white people his entire life. So why would you suggest he direct his anger at people of color who have never caused him harm?
If your son notices this and he looks back, follows this woman with his eyes and has any angry expression on his face, did he ever think he is sending her a message that she "should" be frightened?
If he had a chance to say anything to her, does it have to be something that is "mean spirited"?
The woman had no idea he was watching her at that point - he just wanted to see if she would return to the bus stop or if she really was trying to avoid him. My son is a very nice and friendly man. When they first met at the intersection, he was hoping for a friendly/neighborly "Hello" or "Good Morning." It hurt when he saw her reaction to him. You don't know what it's like to always be considered a "suspect" or "bad element" wherever you go.
I have had situations where I have been raped and attacked ok? And one of the things I had to really get courage up to do is to go into troubled areas and work. I made a decision to "not profile" and give it a chance. When I worked for these families, it wasn't always easy to find a place to park and I was by myself and nervous. However, I was very kindly greeted and they made it a point to be nice, make me feel safe and it was a "pleasant experience" for me, helped me overcome some fears too. I happen to be the "only one" that will go into these areas that are known to also be higher crime areas too.
So have I, and so has my son. So why is my son not allowed to feel "safe" and enjoy a "pleasant experience" when he steps outside in his own neighborhood?
I even went into the projects as well, and it was like going into a city all of it's own, and yes there were mostly "black families" there. I had told the woman beforehand that hired me that I could only stay for the aloted time because I had another event. I told her my big concern was that if other families noticed me they might crowd around and I didn't want to have children upset finding out that I was only there for "her" children.
The woman assured me that this would not happen, however it did happen and instead of there only being 9 children there were maybe 60 or more. And the woman kept adding more children to the line, it was clear she was "intimidated" more than me. I steped up to the line and firmly asked the woman to put "her" children in the line and that I was sorry but I only had time for "her party and her children". Well, instead of these people getting angry and pushing me around, they "respected that" and I managed to get that job done and be ok. And I actually thought it was a nice place and would not mind going back there. However if I was given dirty looks and disrespected because I really was the only white person there, it would have only sent me the message "be afraid they don't like you because you are white and they may think you are not giving the other children rides because you are mean white lady".
Also I do know the difference because I have had people use that race anger at me and even though I did have that happen, I still gave it another try. I really don't want to be a "racial profiler" I don't like it. And it doesn't have to be that way. It took a lot of courage for me to give it another try, it was the "understanding and kindness" that keeps me comfortable about "going back".
We bought our son a car for his 18th birthday. It wasn't a "nice" car, but it was a good car, and our son was very excited. He wanted to show it to a friend, so she told him to meet her at a convenience store near her home. She was late, and the manager at the store became nervous and told him to leave. He moved his car to the end of the parking lot and quietly listened to music on his headphones. When he looked into his rearview mirror, he saw numerous police cars and the cops had their guns drawn on him. Through a bullhorn, they instructed him to get out. They threw him up against the car, searched him and everything in his car as a crowd gathered to watch - including his friend. When they could find nothing, they began to ridicule his looks, his clothing, his car, and even his job. They pushed him around, trying to goad him into losing his temper and lashing out at them - which would give them an excuse to arrest him (either "resisting arrest" or "attacking an officer"). When my son refused to fight back, despite the brutal bruising of both his person and his ego. They let him go with a "warning" to never enter their jurisdiction again. I'm very thankful he did not have a cellphone in his hand (or pack of Skittles) when he stepped out of the car because those cops were ready and anxious to shoot my son.....OVER WHAT!?!
Open Eyes
I guess, my overall point is, that it works better if instead of being angry that there "can be" racial profiling or fear, rising above that does better at turning that fear into actually feeling comfortable and even "enjoying" others that are a different race, whether black or white or whatever. It truely is so unfortunate that it happens and I can understand the "anger". However, I do know first hand that the people I encounter are aware and yet somehow they figured out how to push that away and just be understanding and nice.
It worked for me and I am glad I have had that opportunity.
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I'm glad it worked for you. My son has to travel through the jurisdiction I mentioned above. In fact, he has NEVER been welcomed or made to feel comfortable in all-white neighborhoods. I see no reason to be "understanding and nice" to those who assume my son is a criminal and would prefer to see him dead.
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