So i don't post a lot here, but I did post last month about my T sticking up for me to my sometimes-scary husband and how good it made me feel. The problem was that he got super angry at me and at her and made my life miserable.

Since then he has started drinking again and smoking weed again. He has gotten violent again (he beat our nursing dog with a belt because she barked) & I'm back to walking on eggshells.

Last year in December I was hospitalized for depression for 7 weeks. I swore to myself that I wouldn't be in the same position in December 2012. I'm not - I'm much stronger, but he is. As much as I've begged, cajoled, demanded and threatened, he is not willing to get help for his addictions or borderline personality issues.

Since Thanksgiving, I've been depressed and acting out in my eating disorder behaviors and honestly didn't know why. Today I finally got to see T after 3 weeks and after hearing about my last three weeks, she said, "it's time for you to see a divorce attorney." She said she wanted to say this to me 6 months ago ... said that since the last time he had come in she has been afraid to go to her car alone for fear he'd be there and that if she was that worried, how upset must I be. She also said that she thought I was waiting for permission. I didn't realize it, but I was. I wanted to know I had done everything to save the marriage. She confirmed that I had and also said that if I gave anymore of myself, I'd be dead.

I felt so heard, understood and loved that all my burdens feel as tho they've been lifted for now.

I know I have a long road ahead of me and things could get much worse before they get better, so I'd appreciate support from my PC community.
Thanks,
Bub Smiley