I wondered if anyone else had a similar experience.

In the fifth grade, I went from a happy, outgoing kid to one that started to retreat into themselves. By my freshman year in highschool, I had no real friends, was teased all the time and considered weird. My grades were slipping, I fixed my schedule so that all my study halls were in the afternoon and I could just leave and walk around for hours. I never made trouble in class, just sat there quietly, usually staring out the window. During my junior year, I was so depressed that I lost twenty pounds in a little over two months. Both my junior high and high schools were relatively small, with teachers who knew all their students. The area was suburban, low crime and the schools considered very good.

Through my four years in highschool, I dropped out of any activities I had been in, (usually because my parents had me sign up for them), and my general appearance deteriorated. After high school came all the suicide attempts etc.

A few years ago I went back to my old highschool and looked up the counsellor I'd had for the four years I was there. During out conversation, I let out some of the problems that had occured after highschool. It blew my mind when the counsellor told me that all the teachers had noticed that there was something very wrong and would discuss my deterioration every now and then. No one had ever asked me if anything was wrong for those four years. Not once. The school had a crisis center with a psychologist on staff and students had to see their counsellor a couple times a year to go over scheduling. No one ever said anything to me or my parents despite what they were observing and discussing. By the time I started highschool, i couldn't ask for help. I didn't really know how and was so turned inward that i don't know how aware I was of who to go to. There is no way to know what would have happened if someone had approached me, but all I could think of talking to my old counsellor was that if someone had, I might have gotten help and avoided all the pain later and now.

I know we all have to take responsibility for our own actions, but I feel as though I was betrayed by adults who should have stepped up and just looked the other way instead. Its not like there were so many kids that the teachers had no time or resources. They were often in the halls between classes chatting with students. At that time our school didn't have a problem with weapons and the biggest drug problem was a few kids who smoked pot. They had the time, awareness of the problem and resources to deal with depressed kids and yet did nothing.

Is this something that is common? Are there others out there that weren't able to ask for help and were just shuttled through grades like sheep? Had I not gone back to the school, I never would have known that anyone noticed. Now teachers are often overloaded, dealing with weapons, drugs, serious fights and don't know half the kids in their classes. Under todays conditions, I could understand it better, but that wasn't the case three decades ago. It makes me wonder how many other kids are going to wind up with a lifetime of hell that could have been stopped. At the end of my talk with my counsellor, she asked if I would be willing to come in and talk to any kids in that situation. I said I would. I never heard back and live in a different state now.

Sam2