T,

I feel so let down. Being gentle and hearing me now...it's just not enough after everything. You didn't even say sorry in person, you just asked if I had more to say about it all. I even said sorry! I said that although I had a big reaction, I was still sorry for taking it out on you.

I'm so of lost for words. The only reason I had to ask for help was because of what has happened during my recent appointments, because of all that you said, and took away. It changed my opinion of myself, the world, everything. So I asked for your help in a way I never have in four years. It was so surprising, after everything, to be so completely forgotten. You knew how hard it was for me to ask, and what had led to me asking. You still forgot so completely. I guess I didn't even cross your mind in that time, despite making it clear that I was feeling pretty desperate. You know I don't say that sort of thing lightly. Just the once in four years.

I'm not really over it. Everything has changed. You say nothing has changed...I guess everything I believed was an illusion. I made the relationship into something more special in my mind than it actually is. When I've never had that sort of stable relationship before, that was what allowed me to really move forwards with my life. Now I've lost that. It wasn't just you forgetting, it was all the things you said before that happened too. Can you imagine how it feels to lose the one close, stable, supportive, reliable, caring relationship you've ever had? It feels like a huge loss...and I don't know if you being a bit more gentle with me now, and hearing me is helping me enough to get through this.

Mostly I'm on my own now. It feels different, after having you for the last few years. It feels like it used to be though. It makes me feel numb.