I am also familiar with that feeling. Just reading it makes me remember those dark days.

I wish I knew then what I know now. But I learned the hard way, like most of us do. It took a team - me, my T, my Pdoc, and my friends to get me through that darkness. I had to be brave enough to ask for help. I fell to the bottom, and reached up.

I still remember sitting on my T's couch for the first time, and being soooooo depressed, I couldn't even sit upright, and his couch is leather, so I kept sliding off! Now that's funny! Of course, it wasn't then... it was frustrating.

But, I did reach up, and he made me see a Pdoc, and he made me talk to friends (that was the hardest!) and after trying like 1,473 SSRI's and various combinations, with every side effect in the book, and some I invented, we finally found the right combo. Phew..the room stopped spinning!

When we got it right, it was like a gray curtain lifted. Colors seemed brighter, food tasted yummier, life was just more .... alive. Then the CBT...lots of CBT... and then, well, I could fill up pages.

Thanks for the memories. Sweetie...it can get better. It does get better. It will get better. Hugs to all of you!

Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner