Trigger for discussion of domestic violence and death:



Everyone on here is giving really good advice. And Anne has a point that staying IS dangerous, both physically and emotionally. BUT, having seen this situation both in my extended family and in my profession, this IS the most dangerous time for you. I was hesitant to give really detailed info on here for fear of making you too fearful to actually leave when you need to, or coming off as a doomsayer, but I'm going ahead because I think this information is really important and might save your life or someone elses.

A local battered women's shelter or whatever version of an group like an Alliance against Violence that you have locally is a great resource. The shelter or Alliance can give you a list to prepare to leave: it will include things like having some cash stashed in your car, hidden, along with your license and credit cards in case you have to get away quickly. Get a disposable cell phone, and don't use your land line if you have one. In our state, we have a Petition you can file pro se to get a restraining order. However, a restraining order is just a piece of paper and paper doesn't stop bullets or fists.

I had a cousin killed by her abusive husband after she filed for divorce. He hid in her house while she was gone and killed her when she came home. Another of my cousins killed his wife when she left him. In both cases, the woman had the man removed from the house during the divorce, so he knew exactly where to find her.

Let him have the house and go somewhere he cannot find you. Be careful even when you go to the courthouse and have someone with you. My husband does domestic law and has had a client's husband pull a gun on him when he got between the husband and the client.

You know you have to do this to protect yourself and your dog. But you also need to know how important it is to be safe and not underestimate what an abuser will do to stay in control. He will fluctuate between super sweet and cajoling, and threats and violence. Just because he's nice at one point and appears to be going along doesn't mean that behavior will last and it's safe for you to drop your guard.