[quote=TheBunnyWithin;2739505]Just to add a different perspective .... I've got tons of baggage and issues, but doing too much for other people and putting their needs ahead of mine is NOT one of them. I do like to do things for other people but not to the point that I don't take care of myself. So I guess that makes me really and truly selfish??? It seems to me that people who do for others are NOT being selfish at all. I am the selfish one because I don't do./quote]
This is what I aspire to. I think what you are talking about here is a balance between your needs and the needs of others. In the context of parenting and probably more general with partners/spouses, the thing is often put on your own oxygen mask, then put on the other person's. Selfish and self centered are different things. A healthy person is self centered in a balanced way; a selfish person is self centered in a complete the world is all about me. It's also about reciprocity, I think, in that a selfish person never reciprocates, whether it's emotional warmth or other intangibles, and in the first person to demand that you pick them up from hours away if their car breaks down, but if you need a ride 5 minutes away to the doctor, they are unavailable. A healthy, self centered person makes sure that they don't comprise their own needs for the less important needs of others, and reciprocates in a healthy way and doesn't deal with others who fail to respond reciprocally. Not in a bean counting way, but in a general way of equitableness within the relationship.
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