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Originally Posted by Miswimmy1
I think the only way to know is to be straightforward and ask her about it. Thinking and thinking isn't going to get u anywhere... I think it could possibly be that since you said u have been working a lot in the last few months, u might be a little bit stressed and therefore over analyzing. I know when I'm working hard, my trust issues blaze.
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You're very insightful for a 15-year-old! I really haven't been working a lot recently, but I am about to, in a management position I feel being heaped upon me. I know I have a choice to find another job, but I really believe in my boss' vision for my company. However, with so many changes in the MH field, I don't know how things will pan out over time.
I am overanalyzing so that I don't have to focus on my RL dilemma, the change in job status. When I think about it, I panic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miswimmy1
That sounds so amazing. I wish my t would work with me on this... Is this an official technique? Or just something your t does? Because if it had a name, I might mention it to her
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No name, not even a technique...just a spontaneous act that was incredibly healing for me. I think she just felt maternal towards me that day and just wanted me to realize it was okay for me to ask for what I need.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sconnie892
Chopin-
I am always amazed at how you recall your sessions in such detail.
My t did the skirt thing a few weeks ago too. She had on a shorter skirt and was recrossing her legs and well - I looked away as quickly as possible. I sit across from her. It was awkward but only for a second. I forgot it until I read your post.
I would say considering your t told you about the eye-drop thing to not read too much into the details of the session. Maybe she was still a bit off from that. But if it bothers you to bring the things you've written about up next time.
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The skirt thing was unawareness. She just sat like that for awhile and I sit across from T also. It is one of her normal poses when she sits, but she normally wears pants.
Agreed, I think she was just a bit off Thursday. I just plan to apologize for possibly crossing her boundary with my overzealous hug that day.
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Originally Posted by LolaCabanna
I think your attention to detail, gives you more to read into. You and your T have a great relationship and I am sure everything is fine. The underwear thing, would have freaked me out too.  |
Oh, I don't doubt the relationship as a whole is fine. It's just when I wrote it all out, I started wondering about things that weren't even there. I actually left session feeling fine. Everything is magnified right now because I'm stressed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
During the summer time, my therapist will often wear skirts that are shorter than usual for her age demographic, along with open-toed heels. Now maybe it's just my imagination, but it seems like when she wears this attire--which she wears very nicely, in my opinion--she becomes more "girlish". It seems like she moves around more and becomes more expressive. I like this side of her, but I do admit that sometimes I'm like, "My, aren't we Miss Chirpypants today! Simmer down now!" 
It seems to me that my therapist has two "professional" moods. One is upbeat, talkative, yet attentive. The other is ultra upbeat and ultra talkative, not so attentive. I'm sure she has a depressed, grouchy mood but she has never presented this side of her (at least not since I've been paying attention.) I don't think she's being inauthentic when she's hyper. I think she's just turned up a notch. |
I totally get this. I think my T just could not maintain a calm presence Thursday. It was actually rather fun in the moment. I know my T has a negative side, she's described it and I've seen just a bit of it...not directed at me, but about her cancer situation last year.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I am also amazed at the detail you recall. I am also noticing the language you us - coy for example. Not a word I would put in the same sentence as therapist (not criticizing, just looking at differences).
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I could only describe my look as coy, that's what I'm sure it looked like. One part that I did not remember until now was that when she asked me to talk about the shame bit, I put on my best "cute" face and and looked at her. She looked at me and said, "I'm immune to cute." I said, "So a lot of your clients sit here and act cute?" She said, "Not necessarily; I'm immune to cute because I've raised 3 kids."
I have no idea why I did that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
When I wear tights under a skirt, I think I feel less restricted in moving about, because all you can see underneath my skirt is my tights, as opposed to bare leg/underwear.
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Her tights were a bit more like pantyhose (more sheer), but I know what she did was inadvertent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I have an 11 year old son, and I notice when he and a friend are "working" on the ipad or handheld game or whatever, they sit knee to knee. There is such an innocent sweetness at an age where they often desire to have a wide berth around physical contact with another boy. I still remember the day that my son grabbed his friend's hand, and that friend shook it off. But I digress.
I guess the image I had of the two of you sitting on the couch, her knee against yours to make it easier for her to peer at your screen (it puts a lot of strain on the hips to have to lean across, hence sitting closer is functional) was of two innocent kids comfortable with each other in that "task." I didn't see it as sensual at all in your description, but I also know that I occasionally wonder if my T is coming onto me-- so I just think that part is normal. Once I was talking about a prior session (in a nice way, compared to my usual ****** whenever I bring up something from the past) and he used the word "afterglow" to ask a follow up question. But what I think I've learned is that he has a certain playfulness about him when he is feeling especially comfortable (or when he thinks I am not going to figuratively kick him in the b*alls). And that was what was evoked for me in your description of your session, she just seemed to have a playful edge to her words and behaviors-- and I think I've seen this before in your descriptions.
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Yes, she was just jumping on the couch and when I adjusted myself, she could actually see the screen better. At one point, she almost put her head in my lap to see a pic in detail. She also described a pic of me as pretty. She was very comfortable and has become more and more playful over time.
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Originally Posted by Anne2.0
So I wonder if maybe your interpretation of her playfulness was that she was somehow pushing you away? Or that, like many of us when people come closer, we pull away, as a way to regulate (literally, like on the couch for you) the distance-- there is always something of a dance in a dyad. But I could see for myself how my T being playful might make me desire greater closeness, because maybe I'd see it as him not being serious about my oh-so-serious problems (sarcasm directed to myself, half-heartedly, not to you) or as him teasing me. So maybe the hug for you was about regulating the distance and bringing her close because you felt unnerved about either your own distancing or what you perceived as distancing from her.
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Yep. Well said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I'd let yourself off the hook for a boundary violation. It's not that she protested being re-hugged, it sounded to me more like a "oh, Chopin's still not done, I'm going back" kind of thing.
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No, she didn't protest being rehugged.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I mean unless you're chasing her around the room with your arms flailing while you wail, "Chopin must have hugs!", I really think you're doing okay. And in the context of the stuff you're working on, I think you might be a little hyper sensitive to shame from any kind of touch, and I think you can let this one go. (if you want, it's not like a bad thing to raise how you felt with your T, and probably good). Just saying, I don't think you need a self flogging for this one. *hugs*
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This made me
. I am hypersensitive to the shame right now. T said that the only remaining part of the process is the letting go and I will only let go when I am ready.
Thanks to all for your replies. I'm sorry I became upset last night!
