They're abusive little pricks. I've outright refused to speak to them, but they'll lure me in by telling me things like "they've finally got the insurance participating in wanting to cover a DID therapist". I get all excited. I go in there. It's them badgering me about how I DON'T need to see a specialist.

I have suicidal parts, I have begged them to ask my insurance to cover a DID specialist because every single time I see a typical trauma therapist I become suicidal and nearly end up killing myself. I need somebody who is willing to work with my parts. The team leader is arguing with me again. They know that I can't handle arguing. I have a part that comes out and hurts me when I feel threatened. They know this. it's happened three times so far in front of them, because of how many times they have verbally harassed me. One time almost dodging into traffic. Yet they let me run away from that office and run outside alone and drag a broken beer bottle into my forearm. And no I did not have control. It was a part. That's dirty and disgusting. And they know what that part is capable of. That was irresponsible on their part. That part doesn't know any other way to stop the arguing then to hurt me. It's an automatic response. They know this.

I asked to get rid of this team a long time ago, but I can't leave them until I get an outpatient therapist. I have a new caseworker, but they picked the caseworker and she's sick herself and sits on her hands and stares at the floor the whole time and says nothing.

I feel so suicidal over this. I shouldn't feel suicidal over a team that's supposed to help me. This is ridiculous. I have never felt this bad in my life. I can't get off my couch. I don't pull the blinds. I can't eat. I am sick to my stomach constantly.

But that team leader probably gets off on making me a victim again. She's a controlling, abusive, manipulative asshole. All her employees are victims too.