The tape measure has arrived, so I will start tomorrow. Today, I want to draft a graceful, uplifting email to D.

Since I asked D. to stop comment on my weight and stop telling me not to eat some foods, our relationship has changed. He no longer skypes me daily. The plan is still for me to visit him in winter and this weekend he was going to finally (after I nagged for a month non-stop) buy theater and concert tickets for us.

In the interests of openness and disclosure, and to prepare him for a change in our sexual practice (should he opt to still have sex with a woman who places boundaries around herself and makes other people respect them, which remains to be seen) which would consist of, simply, the necessity to use condoms, I want to tell D of my new r/s with G, the local friend in the Bay Area.

Here is a draft of the letter. Lily is D's wife. I should probably put "wife" in quotation marks because they have never lived together. Making bead necklaces is a hobby I will take up this weekend. For the record, D is 56 but looks boyish and acts boyishly so it is hard to address him as an adult.

"Hello,

This is going to be a little long... because it is important. I am going to address you as an adult long-term friend of mine. I actually have some positive news, which is unusual for me. A new man, to be sure. His name is G, he will soon turn 47, and he is the ex first husband of my widwife who delivered Julia 12 years ago. He and the widwife are still best friends and they have two children together here in the Bay Area, one adult and the other, almost adult. He also has a woman and two sons with her in CITY NAME and he spends half of his time in CITY NAME (one month here followed by one month there and back). That is the lifestyle he prefers. I am not bothered by his lifestyle in the least bit.

He is very caring, attentive, and protective, and I hope to form an attachment to him with time. No, I do not love him, but I appreciate him.

I trust that you would be truly happy to hear that I am no longer completely alone in the Bay Area, just as I would be truly happy, any time, to hear that you and Lily got back together and you are no longer alone in CITY NAME. Or, should you find someone else, I'd be equally happy to hear about it.

My relationship with you should not be impacted at all in my book. If you decide that it should be impacted, I would be hugely disappointed but I will respect your decisions, whatever they are.

I told G about you and he was really happy for me. He cannot not see that I lead a very austere existence here in the Bay Area and he was happy to learn that with you, I would get a break from this bleak existence, complete with fun, theaters, art exhibitions, and the like. So I definitely hope that just as he was happy to learn about you, you would be equally happy to learn about him.

I want to start making the bead necklace for Lily, so please let me know what colors and shapes she prefers. I really look forward to it!

Kiss you,

H-B"