Okay so I need to be honest, I have a boyfriend, only his not my boyfriend. He belongs to someone else.

I met this guy 3an half years ago, I am waiting to be diagnosed for BPD, so I guess this will make sense.

When I met him he told me that him and his gf were separated, they have no children, and have no other
commitments to each other.

So after 6 weeks of seeing each other, we finally shared ourselfs, I never felt anything like it.
The next evening I had phone call from a girl asking if I was sleepin with her bf. pure devastation
I broke up with him after that. And we didn't see or speak to each other again.

A few months later I see him out one night, I could not resist him, I felt so overwhelmed by him we went home together.
It was the start if the new yr and he told me this time that he was with his gf and that they were breaking up, he loved me and she wanted things he couldn't give her. He didn't want to be with her.
Things were great, he was going to be mine. Only I ruined it before anything could start.

He never split from her cos I told him I didn't want him.
As soon as I had I felt the gut wrecking feeling take over my soul.
Things want the same after that we have been in and off now,
His still with his gf and I have tried to walk away loads of times.
It's always me that leaves.
I know he is cheating on his gf and we are both at fault. But he is a good guy.
I know he loves me other wise he wouldn't out up with the crap I throw at him,
But I know that I am making my self sick when u with him.
He is my trigger but with out him I can not breathe.
Please some one find me the strength to walk away healthy.
His never going to leave his gf. And I hate what I'm doing.
But I love him so much.

HELP ME please