I fully expect to get hurt James... but how hurt... and what can I do with it? What I can do with it is most important to me. It won't miss, but can't I do something about it on my end.. some PPE... personal protective equipment ?

If I get real honest... when my dad died.. I did not cry, even though it was under awful circumstance I didn't cry and I felt no connection, well that's not true there was connection but no the kind you want to feel when one of your parents passes.

When my mother dies I would like to feel something different.

No more breaking my damn hands James.. that's what I want. I tried a thousand ways to to stop it externally, and I cannot because it is not mine to stop. But what about internally.. surely there is something I can do inside.. it's my domain in there.

I see what you did.. my eyes are not as sharp today but I can still make it out. Thank you James.