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Dec 01, 2012, 06:09 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,629
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaJulia8
I'm sorry if this is going to be long but I have no other way of getting it out there. I've felt always this dragging feeling me as long as I can remember now. It has gotten much worse the past 3 years. I used to have a very bad problem, and that problem was cutting. The last time I did it was 5 months ago, right on my upper leg. They were deep , but easily hidden away from every single one of my friends and my family. I dont know why I did it. I felt alone all the time. I was outcasted from everyone in school as a freak. Recently, I have tried my best to fit in.
I want to be perfect in everyones eyes. I want to be happy. I want to look forward to going to school to see my friends, not dread it. Im so easily irritated now a days , and I always want to be alone. I sleep every second I can get because it's my escape from the world around me. I cry myself to sleep almost everynight repeating the same thing over and over ' im sorry, why me'. I really wish this all was for attention, but it's not. I need help. I cant talk to my family, I never tell them anything. Neither my friends. To them I'm always happy. I wear a fake smile and put on a fake laugh for them to just play along with. Am I cruel for doing so?
I dont want to explain anything personal yet because I'm scared that people will get the wrong idea of why I'm here. But I really need help. And I would love to just have someone tell me that Im okay. That Everything WILL be okay. And help me through whatever this is and whatever I am going through. Thank you for taking your time to read this.
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"And I would love to just have someone tell me that Im okay."
You just have feelings and you are aware of them. Some days I walk around and meet people with no expression, no response, noooo f e e l i n g. God, sometimes I just want to know its ok I felt.
Sending love and hugs 
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