Anna,
You are okay.
I agree that you really do need someone to talk to. Trust me, not talking to someone who can help you will only allow you to get worse....I am living proof of that!
I spent too many years of not talking and stuffing more and more pain deep down inside....it took its toll on my sanity and on my nerves.
Find a counselor and open up to them and have faith that they will help you.
No one here will judge you so you can open up here if you need to.
This community is here for you so take advantage of it!

You are ok and it will get better!