I reread my post and although I understand what it means to me, I was unable to put it into my own words to describe what it means to me. I guess that my point is that in order for me to heal, that I need to be accepted for who I am by another (authority figure) in order to learn to accept myself.

I liked the example that the book gave, where if one self-state is present during one session, but another isn't, the other self-state may not agree with what is being said. One self-state at times may be the only one experiencing the session while another is dissociated. My example of this is when my xT told me that the decision to terminate was mutual, and I was infuriated because I disagreed with this. This vignette explains to me why -- the 'needy' part of me, which was one that didn't want to leave, was so angry -- because it was never consulted by xT. This 'needy' part of me is the one my therapist told me he didn't have to accept. And clearly, he lived by his words. He not only didn't accept it, it was excluded and rejected. I don't think he named it as a defense, as the book points out, because I don't think he even thought it was worth that much of a title. Like the book said, his part and my part colluded to disregard this unworthy state. So, this part of me was enraged at a part of me and him. Hence the self-hatred and the outward rage.

The next part talks about how this breaks into the defense of dissociation, which enrages the parts that work hard to use dissociation to create affective stability, and thus the part that holds the unprocessed affect of developmental trauma caused by attachment failure becomes fearful, depressed, or both, causing distress to all parts. To me, this is a breakdown of my defenses, leaving me completely vulnerable to myself and my affective unstability that might arise.

I am still working through this. I wanted to put this into my own words as best as I could, so I can integrate this understanding. This is what happened. In opposition to when termination first happened, me working through this is helping me not be enraged at my xT, which I think was a function of being enraged at myself. I rewrote this because someone said it was difficult to understand, and when I reread it, I didn't understand it, so I am so glad she said that, because I really needed to break it down and understand this completely. Interestingly, at first, when I reread it and didn't understand it myself, I got angry. I hated myself. I think I am trying to build meaning to what happened, and when I thought I did but reread and I hadn't put it into my own words, I felt vulnerable, like me working through this without xT was like a pipe dream. I doubted myself, and hated myself for a few minutes.

This meant I needed to figure out my understanding of this and rewrite it in my own terms. My psyche is leading me in the right direction.
After writing this, I feel a huge sense of relief and a sense of accomplishment. To me, this means I am healing, and I did this myself. This is my story, this is my truth. I myself at the moment.