met this guy ...working in a soup kitchen.

this guy was...by all appearances...unassuming...harmless...perhaps even a nobody? just had that look....like it's way too easy to forget him...and that sux in itself but it's not about my inability to be human!

it's about this guy....

he stuck a pretty large knife up through his chest....trying to cut his heart!...he missed...but "what a hell of a mess"...he said

...big pot smoker...lucid nonetheless!...some people can.

he told me..."nobody knew just how stressed out! he was"

he had no way...being so gentle....so passive.

he has this marvelous philosophy now...he calls it the "not trying" philosophy...we spoke endlessly about this amazing thing! where you just BE!....I understood....I had all the words but I knew deep down I was "trying" to get it..."trying" to show him I understood him....because I respected him and so really wanted him to know that.

I don't get it....I'm wound up like a 1000 springs..
I sure don't want to have to jam a knife up through my chest to find out...I've done similar things and failed...

my conclusion is that we all each play a different role..in life....to balance this super-ordinary experience..some are meditating monks...some are hyper everything freaks...

I'm a freak...I guess thats just gotta be ok