Thanks for all the advice and kinds words.

I'm seeing a therapist, and I am active, I ride a bike every day (although I kind of have to because I live in the city and I don't have a car). I kind of forced myself to live far from the subway so it would be required to get exercise.. otherwise I'd doubt I'd do it. I don't know if this is a good approach. Once in a while I ride by the water just to get some air but now winter is approaching (I HATE winter - I hate the cold and the lack of sun) so I won't be doing that as much, obviously.

I haven't tried meditation or anything.. I just don't have the power of concentration for it.

I take Xanax every night to kill the bad thoughts and get to sleep. I know this is a bad habit but I'd get no sleep otherwise.. I suffer from terrible insomnia.

I guess I'd love to find an AD that makes me feel like life is worth living and not just alter my mood. I feel like I'm already doing everything else I need to do and that a good med should supplement that and make me feel happy, finally. This depression is kicking my ***. It's just this uphill battle and I am losing.