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Dec 02, 2012, 08:54 PM
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Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 19
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So I broke down last night and called ( him). I havent heard from him since he just up and left to go take his (opportunity). It has been 4 weeks since any contact. I probably made myself look stupid or psycho or stalker ... as he would say.... I called 6 times and it rang all the way through and he didnt answer.. I called 2 times today and no answer.. I sent texts saying could we talk.. no reply... just nothing... He is ignoring me... punishing me for not making his life better.. for not being responsible for him.. for not leaving my family, taking a job near him, getting a place and moving him in... not being everything he needed... he got tired of waiting..
Why cant he just answer.. why cant he say im done with you, i dont want you anymore, im busy , im with someone new, IM SOMETHING ... ya know just reply... he knows this is keeping me on edge... he knows its driving me crazy...he loves it... he thrills him... drives him......he wants me to seem crazy to everyone... to make himself look better.. why am i letting him do this?
WHy do i care? Ive been through alot with this person who has continued to dump on me... cause problems for me... use me.... abuse me..... take everything out on me.... blame me.... destroy me..... hate me... yet love me , he pushed me away then pulled me back all the time... controlled me.. manipulated me... made me feel wrong, made me feel like maybe it was me... made my reality change... made me view the whole world differently, took away my happiness, made me become negative... stole my spirit, my soul, my ability to care about others and myself and made it only about HIM... and now that he is gone I dont know what to do with myself... where do I start... who I am... how do I move forward... I am so lost....
Why did I call... why did I let him know I was still around thinking about him... why cant I accept he is not here? WHy cant I accept he has hurt me and played with my emotions to the point where I am unstable... WHy do I still Love him and want to be with him and if he called I would go to him...Why do I feel GUILTY that if I try to do something good for myself that is wrong?
WHats wrong with me????? WIll it go away? WIll he come back? Is it right to want him to come back..? Is he human? can he feel? 3 1/2 years.... my life... my prime... I feel like I am just wasting away till the day he calls....
How do you move forward? Not focus on him... Help.......
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