I have BPD and my Mom read a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking your life back when someone you care about has Borderline Personality Disorder" By Paul T. Mason, Randi Kreger - I've never read it but since she read it our relationship has gotten better. Not sure if it's what she read in the book or what, but it's worth a try. Below is the synopsis -
"Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are 'walking on eggshells' to avoid the next confrontation? If the answer is 'yes,' someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD)."Stop Walking on Eggshells" has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research and includes coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD sufferer in your life. This compassionate guide will enable you to: *Make sense out of the chaos *Stand up for yourself and assert your needs *Defuse arguments and conflicts *Protect yourself and others from violent behavior"
It's my belief that if someone you love has treated you like crap for years - I love you/I hate you and all that, I'm sure you've been through many times - it's almost a daily occurrence in my marriage. Eventually a person will reach a breaking point - this happened with my husband and boy oh boy it was the straw that broke the camels back and yikes. Honestly - I don't act like that on purpose - my brain just "goes there". I'm getting better and I see the way I've treated him for 21 years, I'm crushed and feel so bad for him. I am amazed he has stayed with me through all the crap I've pulled - even my most recent crap. I think this book might help just to understand a little better - not to give your gf a "hall pass" per se but maybe it will help you make some sense out of the chaos. Good luck and hang in there.