I tend to think of disappointment as wanting something the other person didn't. So, if I'm disappointed, that's pretty much about me and my expectations/desires. It's okay to be disappointed, it's like being sad when someone moves away, etc. I grieve and move on or, if it's minor (a friend late or cancelling a date or something) I tell them how much I missed them, how much I had been looking forward to seeing them, etc. and judge how concerned they seem for my feelings to see if the relationship is in trouble or not.

My T taught me about the more subtle feelings by having me reflect on a single feeling between appointments. We started with "humiliation" and the second week we did "disappointed." I found that each week I'd find instances where I felt whatever feeling I was working with! It was like looking at new cars and all you see for awhile are the cars you are interested in (as an experiment, try not to think of pink elephants right now). It was very very interesting and exciting. The morning after my therapy appointment I realized I was disappointed in my husband because he was going to the racetrack instead of/before doing the dishes (one of his normal jobs). So I expressed my disappointment to him and learned that his back was really hurting and he was hoping going to the racetrack and relaxing would help, either by feeling better or distracting him. I realized that I was the one who wanted the dishwasher unloaded (so why should I not do that, it being my desire?) and that I wanted it done right then was controlling and almost ridiculous. There's no rule that says when it has to be done! Too, I love my husband and want him to feel better. Bending to unload the dishwasher was not something that would help. The whole disappointment thing was a throwback to my days with my stepmother; SHE wanted the dishwashier unloaded now, not me :-) Disappointment "solved." I was able to hug my husband and wish him a good time at the racetrack and hope he felt better.