i think you really know the answer. the obsession to return to that dreadful place has very alluring properties. in my case the obession came from a desire to check out instead of taking on life without escaping. i had to go to therapy to learn of ways to live and learn life coping skills to tamper out the ongoing obsession with alcohol. i would have a new resolve when i'd get sober but then a curve ball came knocking me off my feet. i'd opt for the easy way out...oblivion.it's a crapshoot. russian roulette. if we continue to push our luck that bullet finally fires. is it worth it? the person you were is still inside you. let it reemerge. it hasn't left you. you have left it.