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I'm not saying this to be judgmental at all, because I felt exactly the same way myself, but is it possible that you feel so uncomfortable because you believe those mistaken thoughts?
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yeah, probably. but it all
feels so strong to me, so it's hard to tell.
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But if your feelings are based on mistaken beliefs, then your feelings can change when your beliefs become more based on reality. It isn't that your feelings are mistaken--they are what they are--however, if your feelings are being based on beliefs that are quite possibly mistaken (and beliefs are thoughts, not feelings), you can fact-check your beliefs and bring your feelings in line with the actual facts of the situation.
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i hear what you're saying, but i don't know if the two (beliefs and feelings) are really related in this case. for instance, if i feel guilty for going out to eat, i feel guilty for going out to eat. i'd have more money to do so if i was getting a discount on therapy. that is a fact, not a belief. so i really don't know how they're related.
my therapist called me this morning and left a long message in response to my call on Friday. she said that we should really be talking about all of this in session as it's "therapy stuff" - my feelings on not wanting to do the sliding-scale. she also commented on the insurance piece, and said (several times, actually) how she doesn't want to spend her time dealing with it. she was very adamant about that, and i'm confused as to where all of this is coming from. i never once tried to convince her to do the insurance, and i completely respect her decision not to do so.
again, it leaves me feeling like she's either getting me mixed up with some of her other clients, or that she's just lumping all the insurance stuff into one group. i don't blame her, but i'm starting to feel like a lot of this is misdirected. i left her a message to say much of the above, and apologized for getting into to much of the "therapy stuff" over the phone. i told her i just thought i should give some explanation as to why i wasn't willing to accept her sliding-scale offer.
i'm still mulling over the sliding-scale thing. the only thing i can think of in the plus column is that if i agreed to it, it would be more money in her pocket on a monthly basis. like if i didn't do it and went twice a month, she be getting $234. if i did do it, i'd be going four times a month which would be $452, almost twice as much. true, it'd be twice as many sessions (or twice as much "work" for her), but maybe that part is worth it for her. i don't know.
i did want to say to those of you that are on sliding-scale: my thoughts and feelings about it are totally about me, and not a judgement about any of you. just because i would feel guilty about it, for instance, doesn't mean that i think you all should feel bad for doing it. i hope i'm not coming across that way.