Hi everyone, I really need advice. I have been struggling with some type of mental illness for years now and I just want to know what is wrong with me. I have symptoms of different illnesses and I am scared because the medication I have tryed doesn't help.
I have always had depression come and go for no reason. I just slowly start to hate myself until I can't stand it. I hate everything about myself inside and out at times. when i feel this way I am very hard on myself. I feel guilty for people having me around because i feel like everyone else should hate me too. I hate the way i look whrn I'm down to I feel like i am balding and cut my hair constantly when I feel like that. I don't know why my family hides the scissors and i get so mad because of that. I feel very fat and watch what I eat when I'm down. I weigh 100 pounds . It hurts so bad I can't stand it. then I start to feel better and I don't hate myself. I don't obsess about my appearance. I feel too good to. I am just happy as can be. It feels so good. I comment to strangers all day long about anything. I talk on the phone all day long. I shop alot. Dance sing because yhere are always songs running through my head. And lots of other things. I go 100 miles anhour . I still slerp but not well i wake up every hour and get up around4 or5 because I can't lay there anymore. I smoke alot of weed then too and when high I feel that people who are dead are trying to contact me or people are bugging my house. There are times when all i want is sex and i do much more things sexually then too. There are also times that I the same energy but it is all negative. yhis is the hardest. I can't control myself then. I am full of rage an lash out at people. I want to hurt them anyway I can. I do unrational things then. If i can't hurt the people