Just not sure how much more of it I can take, somethings gotta give. And yet the longer things go the way they are going the more isolated I feel from everyone which makes it even harder to try and convince myself its not that everyone hates me or wants nothing to do with me...they're just busy, or it doesn't occur to them ect. I mean I really don't know which it is or if its a mix of both being busy and not really having much intrest in spending any time around me or I am just too much with all my never ending problems so they are avoiding me to avoid hearing about any of that without considering it leaves me isolated with no one to talk to even about things not related to issues i have.

They don't want me to dwell on it, but with nothing enjoyable to do and never getting invited to go out and do anything or whatever, doesn't really leave me much choice I can only distract myself from whats going on in my head for so long when I'm alone with nothing really to do. I mean yesterday I took a shower and got dressed even put on make up just to go get a pack of cigarettes and took a nap instead when I couldn't find my headphones. I figured getting this pack of smokes is going to be the most eventful thing this week aside from my therapy appointment tommorrow so I wanted to enjoy the walk with my music now that I've found them I can do it today......though I know cigarettes is not the best use of the little bit of cash I currently have but what else am I going to spend it on, going to the movies alone? At least the cigarettes will last longer.