I have had quite a time of it this past week alone. I have had a lot of things come at me the past few weeks, but this past week alone has worn me down.

Here is one day for example. I get up and come to PC and check on my posts and my friends that struggle. I have a cup of coffee and work on waking up to do my day which includes taking care of my horses/ponies.

If my husband is awake and home we seem to have to go to the bathroom at the same time. I often let him get up first and give him time to wake up himself in the morning. No matter when I get down stairs though I still have that we have to go at the same time challenge. And I always seem to face him interupting me when I am trying to wake up and am reading things in PC. Even if I wait for him to leave, nope, he calls me on the phone. sigh

My husband is a big time in your face person too. Everytime he wants to tell me something he steps into my space and pokes me. He often takes his finger and jabs it into my arm in short hard jabs as he begins to speak.
No matter how many times I tell him "not" to do that, he still does it.

He is also a "hurry up quick right now lets move" kind of person too. So he invades my sense of time and the way I move forward too. And I actually experience a "aggrivated auto response to that in my nervous system too".

When he gets home, no matter where I am he has to know what I am doing and he is not in the door but a few seconds and wants to know what I am watching and what dishes are in the sink and so, I jump inside with that too. And I could be watching something and involved and he always needs to interupt that and "can we put on the news"? Ugh.

Then we finally go to bed and I have learned over the years that I have to put a firm big pillow between our heads, otherwise I will get hit many times during the night. But that doesn't stop the night time invasions as then "in his sleep" he needs to grab the pillow and even beat on it which pushes away my head space. I have "learned" in my sleep that I have to protect my space pretty much all night. That pillow literally becomes my "shield". And most mornings I wake up in the bottom part of the bed in my own little corner with that pillow still placed as protection for my head.

Over the years I have had so many problems with my neighbors who have plenty of their own land somehow also feeling that they should be able to do as they please on my land as well. And if I put up no trespassing signs they like to tear them down, if I put up fences that I can manage to put up on my own, they try to dismantle them. I could go on and on with how many ways I have been challenged with that problem. And I ended up paying a big price because of disrespect in that area too. And no matter how "nice" I was about it, didn't matter.

One of the biggest human challenges is BOUNDARIES. Human beings are always trying to find ways to CROSS BOUNDARIES and many human beings are constantly struggling to PROTECT THEIR BOUNDARIES.

My biggest challenge my entire life has been trying to PROTECT MY BOUNDARIES. I have had so many things happen to me where others have invaded my boundaries and ABUSED ME as well, that I have become extremely "sensitive" about boundaries. My biggest challenge with my PTSD is due to EXTREME DISRESPECT FROM OTHERS CONCERNING MY BOUNDARIES. This goes all the way back to when I was a baby. As a matter of fact I have flashbacks, very disturbing flashbacks from this very delicate part of my life. The problem is that I do not have language with it because of how young I was so these are the worst flashbacks, most painful flashbacks for me to try to understand.

Unfortunately for me, it has gotten so bad that my body literally cringes to being touched as well. I struggle to have gynocologists examine me and even to go to the doctor. The last time I went to the doctors, I tried to have a different doctor as my other doctor was mean to me regarding my medical records and my psychiatrist. But when I had this new doctor come in to see me he brought in a trainee and asked if the trainee could also examine me. I quickly said no, not a good day, however he did not repect that and kept trying to get me to accept having this other man also examine me. I held my ground and they were not happy and left the room making me wait.

While alone in the examining room I went into flashbacks where my brother and another boy grabbed me off the swings and pulled me into a shed and took off all my clothes. I was only about three years old and terrified because my brother had already made several attempts to molest me. So I thought that now I would have two boy doing that. I do not remember how I escaped that shed. It took all I had to stay in that doctors office to be examined, I wanted with all my being to run.

Now that I have PTSD, and I struggle with boundaries I often have "surges" of anger and I react. The only way I can address these surges is after they happen.

I have spent many years working with abused horses and ponies. I spend a lot time helping them overcome abuse and learn how to trust again. But I never realized that this was actually part of me deeply identifying with them and helping them and perhaps knowing that I never got that myself.

I just thought I would share. I don't talk about this in depth like this. But I know that many people struggle with "BOUNDARIES' and I do feel that it is one big part of mental illnesses.

Just thought others might want to share their thoughts.

I am going to try to talk more about this problem. And thought it might be a thread where we could all share this challenge and ways we work on this challenge as well.

I picked my name thinking about myself and my life too. I didn't know about this song either never saw the movie, it is erie how well it fits me though. I wrote this post and happened to see the thread about looking up our names we pick here on google to make sure we are not somehow personally connected to that name identity wise. I never even thought of that and that is the first time I heard this song too. How bazaar.

Open Eyes